Automatic Defence Responses
When shxx hits the fan what do we do? When we are tired and no-one else has bothered to load the dishwasher or when we are face to face with an unexpected danger. When someone who should be trustworthy is being the opposite our confidence often disappears and our automatic defence responses come into play.
Facing a fear or a loss that destabilises our central balance point can be really hard to navigate. It can feel that we are facing a storm or liminal space alone. For some meeting our match maybe unexpected or something that happens often. When faced with a fear that causes us to flight, freeze, fight or fawn it is the tools we have learnt and the support network we have around us that support us through.
None of these reactions are wrong. For example our anger is often very valid. Needing full rest and just flopping can be a nourishing space that supports healing. However if we find ourselves in cycles of repetition we may benefit from exploring further and digging deeper to understand our responses and what causes us to react in such a way.
Fight: Confronting a perceived threat with anger and aggression.
Flight: Quickly exiting a situation you may find dangerous
Freeze: Being unable to move or act in a response to threat
Fawn: Immediate response to please, appease and placate
Flop: A total state of collapse and or submission. Often shutting down.
‘Confidence builds quietly, step by step, as we show up for ourselves day after day. It grows when we choose to try. Every time you take action despite self-doubt. Confidence isn’t about having all the answers — it’s about trusting that you can figure it out along the way .’ (Squarespace).
The above quote is part of the template for the blog that Squarespace provides. I have taken out some words and adapted it slightly but it actually fits what Circle is so well that I felt it worth keeping in as the first blog post. Circle is a space to work things out along the way with each other. With wellbeing Circles my hope is that our individual learning will be imbedded so that our unravelling, focusing on needs and putting in place, preparing and learning of ideas, thoughts, tools and systems will support and help us live the lives we hope for. Giving yourself 90 mins regularly to breath and connect both to self and to others is, I believe, vital for our world, communities, families and individuals.
Circles provide an incredible opportunity to share and learn from others. As we share we offer others the gift to resonate with our thoughts, experience and soul stories. In sharing our thoughts, and this can take time to do, we begin to form longer structured sentences that gather focus, depth and meaning.
The key to making things happen isn’t waiting for the perfect moment; it’s starting with what you have, where you are, with the tools you have and ensuring that you allow yourself the time to dare. Dare to slow down, dare to reach out, dare to stop, dare to dream as they say.
In time with grounded leaders who are open in humility and enquiry we may all take steps to deeper discovery. There is little doubt that confidence is built step by step. As we show up for ourselves and others, trusting that we each have our own answers, together we uncover understanding and wisdom.
In humility and authenticity in Circle we accept each other as we are in the moment not judging or holding accountable. Each of us has their own beliefs, goals and path. It is in listening and enquiry that may find answers and questions worthy of our attention.
On sub stack there is an interesting article by ‘The Insightful Path’ by Sally Edwards on ‘ Understanding Trauma Responses: ‘
What do you need now and what do you feel you to need in a crisis moment. Begin to slow down, take stock and plan. I love a DBT tool
https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/distress-tolerance/self-soothing/
If you feel you need support with 1-1 therapy your GP may be able to offer some local suggestions. You could also reach out to local groups and ask for recommendations.